Hey there! I just got my own place, might be throwing a house-warming, and you’re invited! Virtually of course! I’ve officially clocked two months living solo and it is without a doubt the BEST decision I have made in my 20s -hopefully I will have more of those. The truth about living alone is that it is very easy to do -at least in this part of the world. I can name a million reasons why this might be more difficult back home in Nigeria but for now let’s focus on Canada/U.S. I had contemplated the decision since graduating from uni in 2018 but one thing led to another and I still found myself living in my parent’s basement, still in school and feeling like a had very little control over my future. Through a series of mindset shifts, meeting the right people and resolving to seize back that control, I began the year, January 1st, 2021, in my own space. Now I feel it is only right to share my story in hopes that it might help some of you.
Besides finances, you might be held back by family responsibilities, availability of housing, fear and self-doubt. I’ll share more on how I made the move from my own family home later (LITERALLY 20 minutes away) but for now here are 10 reasons why you need to experience living alone as a young adult in your 20s.
1. NEW-FOUND FREEDOM & PRIVACY
“Freedom” – from what exactly? If you are moving out so that you can stay out all night and come back at 3 A.M. with no consequences, you should definitely reconsider. Yes, it’s great to be able to come and go as you please but with that freedom comes great responsibility and heightened awareness for your safety as you’re the only one looking out for yourself. On the lighter side of things living alone grants you a profound level of independence – you get to decide when you wake up, what you eat and when, how to organize and decorate your space, how and when to clean, who to allow enter your space, and so much more. It literally is your house, your rules! You have the privacy to be and express your true self and feel all the feelings without judgement – and yes, no pants days are definitely a thing. That on its own is a FLEX.
2. ACHIEVE MORE GROWTH
When you live alone, you can set goals and monitor your progress without interference and outside opinions. You could decide to start your own business, take up a new hobby like baking, and go through the cycle of trial-and-error until you find what makes you happy. Growth could come in various ways; you could change your eating habits to lose weight, change your perspectives and attitudes, focus on growing in your spiritual life or relationships, carve out more time to think about and work on your career or education, or focus on reflecting on who you are (as a friend, colleague, sibling, citizen of earth) and who you hope to become. I remember my third day in my apartment, I called my friend complaining that I felt like I hadn’t done enough with my new-found freedom, space and reduced responsibilities. Sis kindly reminded me that it had barely been a week – growth takes time, and as you move from your temporary rented home to your permanent home you will continue to evolve.
3. LEARN TO MANAGE YOUR MONEY
Finances are a big deal when you live alone. Your biggest expense each month will be you rent or mortgage and everything else; bills, food, flex money will come after. You will be forced to manage your money and budget your expenses each month if you want to stay “moved out”. One good practice to help you manage your money is to look for an apartment within your means. This may not even be an apartment, but a shared house with friends, shared apartment with a sibling or a basement suite in a house. Next be sure to be clear on what your rent includes in terms of utilities, Wifi and the ever elusive laundry facilities and parking. All these expenses will add up with a quickness. Be aware of your income, try to grow your income and cut expenses that are entirely unnecessary. Lastly, don’t let ANYONE make you feel bad about what kind of accommodation you choose and the lifestyle you live (frugal or otherwise), after all if you end up homeless (God forbid), they WILL NOT house you!
4. SELF-AWARE
When you spend a lot of time by yourself the only person to really think about is you – in a good way. With no one else around, you have the luxury of worrying about you and you alone – cue self-discovery and self-exploration. Depending on your individual plans for your life, your 20s or the time just after graduation but before settling down to start a family, THIS is the perfect time to be selfish. So pamper yourself, treat yourself to that staycation or yoga retreat in Bali or luxury bag you’ve had your eye on for a while, don’t be too hard on yourself, celebrate your small victories and look your absolute best while doing it. As you become more aware of how you are as a person; your likes, dislikes, habits and tastes, strengths and weaknesses, you will become more self-confident and essentially glow up from within.
5. FORM LIFELONG HABITS FOR YOUR HOME
If you’re like me, you’re hoping to get married someday and have a beautiful family of your own (if you don’t have similar goals, that’s entirely okay too). Consider living alone the trial version of what is to come, minus the children, spouse and added responsibilities. To be honest, not everyone wants to build a life and home exactly the way their parents did (if you ate rice EVERY Sunday in your house I’m calling you out first). Perhaps you want to live abroad, have more or less children or even organize your home a certain way. Besides decorating and arranging your space to what suits your taste, you have the added perk of developing habits and preferences that you will take into your future family home. For instance, deep-cleaning every two weeks is a must for me, and an electric stovetop and a dishwasher are non-negotiable in my home.
I’ve received several questions already and I am excited to get you all excited about living alone, gaining independence and taking up space in a system that was not designed for young, educated, financially sufficient black women like you and I.
From my home to yours,
ANTHONIAxo
